


Nightmare

by JigglyBluff



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-04 18:19:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3080420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JigglyBluff/pseuds/JigglyBluff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura struggles with the recurring nightmare of Carmilla's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the sad. I don't fanfic, but the magnetism of these two characters forced my hand. If you like, I'll make up with fluff later. Perhaps. Something about not owning these characters.  
> 03/11/2015 : Rewritten and updated for grammar. Couple more comments/kudos and I'll write some fluff. Any interest?

As nightmares went, this was the worst kind. The kind that makes your eyes sear and your heart thunder in your ears, not the kind you wake from safely just before you die. Something in your unconscious makes you aware of it, and suddenly you're no longer wondering of events to come, but desperately praying they never will. And you watch them again, and again.

I should avoid sleep as much as possible. Make it nothing but pure necessity. I don't though. I embrace the nightmare because it's the clearest image I have left of her. In my nightmare she smiles at me, and I'm lost. I can never hear her words; I know them though. I think of them every day. I memorize every syllables lilt and remember the exact twist of her grin.

Every day that goes by I lose another piece. It's been two weeks, and the more I try and remember the more I realize how little I paid attention. I refuse to record new video, and I can't bring myself to watch the old ones. The girl in my nightmare dies, the same way the girl in the video does. It's better to just forget. 

I have to sleep though. And I rationalize my 18 hour sessions with that argument each time LaF and Perry attempt to remove me from my room. The way they look at me each time I turn them away worsens with every visit. It began as concern and shifted to pity. Perry suggested therapy and I snapped at her. I wasn't even upset, I just... 

I just want to be left alone. I want to grieve on my own, let her go on my own. I didn't get to say goodbye the way I wanted to, I didn't get to say half the things I wanted to. I at least want this. 

I clench my watering eyes shut, pulling my favorite pillow over my head, I mute the world. With a shaky breath I find no relief, only the untimely realization that with all the tears... it no longer smelled of her. Sleep took me before I stopped crying.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If it was painful I don't remember it. All I remember was light, warm and welcoming. It felt like home, a hearty fire and family waiting. It was a feeling that was tangible, yet abstract. And all we could do was accept it. It would have swallowed me, Perry and LaF, Danny and Kirsch and all the Zeta's. It would have killed every one I had come to know and love at Silas over the last year. If it weren't for Carmilla. 

I turn and see her. The transformation is all but over by the time my eyes focus. She's beautiful. And I am as transfixed as I was by the light. She speaks, and I am lost again. She speaks and I hear nothing but the blood rush to the tips of my ears. Her skin is almost glowing in the dim light, sculpted alabaster perfection. Red lips curl and contrast her complexion and I'm lucid enough to desperately want them against my own. In this moment, no one has ever seemed more perfect to me.

She smiles, and I'm in love. I suddenly need to tell her, yet no words are good enough. Not for her. Her eyes sink, my heart with them; And a moment that seemed eternal ends before I can object. The gentle tickle of her hair grazes my neck as she moves past me, and as she leaps I can feel myself scream, though I can't hear it. And I watch her die.

Every time I sleep now. It's the same. She speaks and tells me all the things I wish she'd said. She smiles and I forgive her for all the things she did. She laughs and I fall in love with her every time, all over again. She leaps... and I watch her die. And I don't think anyone has ever died so beautifully.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carm's not dead?! Well... at least she isn't at the bottom of the pit anymore. More pain. More angst. Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More pain. More angst. More comments, you get fluff. Deal?

I don't remember much of what Perry had been saying. Thoughts were stripped from my brain the moment Danny unceremoniously kicked in my door, a very bloody, very broken, very beautiful Carmilla limp in her arms. A mixture of relief and panic flooded me. I felt myself shriek her name, but was rooted to the floor. 

When Danny placed her body on the bed, I couldn't figure out where to focus. Her clothes were virtually destroyed, leaving large patches of exposed skin, all littered with cuts, bruises and dirt. I let my fingertips trace over a particularly angry looking wound in her side. No reaction.

I hear Danny saying something beside me, I can't understand her. I let my hand wander to her cheek. Her eyes are clenched tight, her brow furrowed in an uncomfortable, pained expression. This was not the expression of the dead, I somehow knew this. I ran a thumb across her lower lip, fiercely pointed fangs peeking back at me. I gasped, more in awe than fear. I'd known they were there, she had bitten me with them, yet I'd never actually seen them. They were beautiful, just like the rest of her. 

She was so small lying there. All her power, all her grace, reduced to a bloody helpless mess. I was suddenly struck with an overpowering need to protect her. After everything we'd been through, all I wanted in that moment, more than anything I've ever wanted, was to save her. My mind kicked into overdrive with the burst of adrenaline. 

“Blood,” I hear myself say. “She needs blood!”

Before I knew it, I was pouring it shakily from her “cleverly” marked soy milk container. I held her chin in my hand, tipping her head back as the blood dripped over her tongue and occasionally over my fingers. She didn't move though. Her eyes didn't flutter, her wounds didn't close, and her heart didn't beat. It was at that moment I came back to reality, and everything that was moving so fast just a moment ago, came crashing to a halt. 

I felt the tears fall fast and freely. I felt Perry pull me away as LaF rushed in. I felt apologies and reassurances, good friends and kind words. And I didn't care. All I could feel was guilt. Guilt for how we'd parted, guilt for how I couldn't save her, and guilt for how I couldn't remember if her heart had ever beat at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you who have read and liked/reviewed. Much appreciated.


End file.
